


in love and in fear

by klari19



Category: Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle
Genre: F/M, Late Night Conversations, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 15:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12915096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klari19/pseuds/klari19
Summary: In which Howl admits his biggest fear to Sophie.





	in love and in fear

_According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves._  
**Plato - Symposium**

 

Sophie pushed the door open and stepped out into the night. There, on top of the hill and bathed in moonlight, stood Howl with his gaze seemingly lost amidst the stars overhead. She should have figured it out sooner, that he’d come to his old hiding place, instead of trying to look for him everywhere inside the moving castle.

A step forward, and then another. She stopped, hesitating over the cement edge, then shook her head and made up her mind. Stepping down into the grass, Sophie marched towards Howl.

He didn’t notice her until she was very close to him, and up till then she could vaguely see how he looked like he was in deep thought, seeming concerned about something Sophie couldn’t guess. It was almost odd to see him like so, after growing used to see him smile and hear him laugh every day, every other moment. But Sophie knew some things just couldn’t fade away. Not easily, at least.

“Sophie, my love, I didn’t hear you coming,” he said, voice as soft as ever, weaving an arm around her waist and pulling her close. She let his warmth embrace her, pressing her cheek to his shoulder and lacing her fingers with his.

“I was worried about you, somehow. Even though the war is over now and things are better…”

Howl chuckled. “Were you afraid that I would throw a tantrum?”

“Maybe,” she said, smiling into his shirt.

They looked up at the starry sky, the same one from which they had seen stars fall once. It felt like a lifetime ago, although maybe only a year had passed since then. And so much had happened during that time… With Howl’s help Sophie had gotten her shop up and running again, guided by Sophie Howl had cleared the mystery around his many aliases and owned his true name once more, and Markl had convinced Howl to allow him to run a potions business worth its name.

“I’m not scared anymore, Sophie,” Howl began. “Not of my past, at least. But maybe… Maybe I’m nervous about the future.”

“What. Howl Pendragon can’t see the future?” Sophie scoffed, but there was no heat in her tone.

“Every mage has his limits,” Howl replied in a chuckle, pressing a kiss to the top of Sophie’s head. After a moment, he murmured, “I’m scared of losing you.”

Sophie’s breath caught in her throat, and she tightened her fingers around his. “I’m not going anywhere, you know.”

“I do, I just…” he sighed, and it sounded as if he was judging himself for feeling the way he felt. “I can’t help it,” he said, sounding sorrowful.

Sophie reluctantly pulled away from his warmth and put her hands on each side of his face. She looked him right in the eyes, those clear blue eyes that seemed to draw her in like the tide, and gently pressed her forehead to his.

“I’m here because I want to, and I never want to leave. I want to live with you, and Markl, and even the Witch and Heen. Because you all make me the happiest I’ve ever been and I wouldn’t trade this feeling for the world. You are the family I never knew I wanted to have.”

Tears gathered at the corners of Howl’s eyes and his trembling lips opened around a little gasp. Sophie kissed him and wiped the tears off his cheeks, shushing and whispering gently to him as he tried to get himself together again.

“You’re beautiful, you know,” he whispered at last, ending his sentence with a sniffle, threading his fingers through her silvery hair. “You’ve always been beautiful.”

Sophie smiled. “Do you mean to say you have an old women fetish?”

Instantly, Howl’s eyes widened and he quickly leaned away from Sophie, sputtering and turning away to hide his beet red cheeks. “I--I meant that you’re beautiful as a person!”

“I know, dummy,” Sophie whispered between chuckles, pulling Howl back towards her by the sleeve of his white shirt and getting him to curl his arms around her. “Thank you,” she whispered into his chest.

His grumbling didn’t last for long, and finally she felt the telltale smile being pressed against her hair. He began rocking them from side to side, swaying their bodies to a melody none of them could hear, but which they could feel deep within their hearts. It felt right, it felt true.

It felt like home.

“Come with me to the cottage,” Howl murmured, a minute--or perhaps an hour--later. “Let’s not go back just yet.”

A cold breeze made the hem of her skirt flutter in the wind, and she shivered despite herself. Partly because of the unpleasant chill, and mostly because of the idea that suggestion entailed most of the time. “Yes,” she replied without hesitating.

* * *

The door closed behind them and Howl lifted her effortlessly in his arms. Somehow, it felt similar to that time, long ago, when he had held her hands while they walked through the sky over the crowded plaza. Similar, yet entirely different. Because now she had her arms around his neck and her lips sealed to his.

She kissed him slowly as he walked them to the bed in the corner, pressing their lips together then angling her head to pull his bottom one between hers and suck gently at it. And just as every time they did this, her heart felt like it would burst out of her ribcage.

Slowly, she was laid down on the soft bedding, and when she looked up Howl was hovering over her, smiling, _glowing_. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and this time she blushed and averted her gaze.

“Thank you,” she murmured for the second time that night, smiling. And she truly did feel beautiful. She thought being happy made her beautiful, and when Howl looked at her like that she believed it was true.

He was slow, too slow, as always, in disrobing her. “Hurry,” she whispered into his ear, and Howl chuckled into her neck, making her shiver in delight.

Finally, when they were skin to skin, heart to heart, it felt warmer than ever. In that moment, she believed that the cold outside, the cold within Howl, the cold of her own thoughts, had never existed. And maybe it never did.

She tightened her legs around his waist and buried her voice into his hair, arching into him to feel more of him, feel him closer as he slowly rocked their bodies together. His breath was damp against her collarbone, and his palms scalding hot on her hip and shoulder. And she loved it, loved him.

“Don’t pull out,” she gasped when she felt his movements grow faster, more erratic. She trailed her hands from his neck down to the small of his back, to keep him there, close to her.

Howl stilled and lifted himself up on his elbows to look down at her, wide-eyed and breathless. She immediately nodded in response to the question he hadn’t asked, and when he leant down to kiss her she felt him press a tearful smile against her lips. _How could a monster like me deserve anything like this_ , Sophie thought he must be thinking, and stroked his back soothingly.

Slowly, he started moving once more, picking up the pace with renewed vigor. Sophie mewled, the sound of her voice melding with his as they climbed and climbed and climbed…

They tipped over the edge almost simultaneously, him first and her right after. Her lips opened around a silent cry as she tightened every limb around his body, only a harsh exhale passing through them when she began coming down. She felt as if a blanket had been laid atop her, warm and comfortable and good, until she began feeling the usual discomfort between her legs. Reluctantly, she gently pushed at Howl’s shoulder; he understood what that gesture meant and slowly removed himself from her.

She turned to press herself against his back, slipping an arm around his waist and holding him close. He tangled their feet together and managed to pull the covers over them as she rested her cheek on his shoulder. Under the moonlight streaming in from the window, they began to drift into the depths of slumber.

“You are more than what you think,” she said then, between dream and reality, her voice almost too soft to be heard.

Howl drew in a deep breath, smiled and tightened his fingers around hers. “And you are the reason why,” he murmured in reply, but she was already asleep, her slow and steady breaths brushing the tips of his hair behind his back. “I love you, Sophie,” he whispered nonetheless.

**Author's Note:**

> im actually very embarrassed to post this because i have like 7 other different things to be working on.... but i haven't properly written in months and i had to get back into it somehow i guess :' ) and seems like rewatching howl's moving castle during the special feature event at the theatre was the best way to do it? anyway, hope you liked this <3


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